Goodbye My Love
by MidnightMayra
Summary: When I met you, the thing that scared me the most was how to introduce myself.  Now the thing I fear the most is not knowing how to say good bye.


**What if Alex had left a note to Olivia before she left to WPP? **

**AU for Season 5 Episode 4 "Loss"**

_Dear Liv,_

When I met you, the thing that scared me the most was how to introduce myself.

Now the thing I fear the most is not knowing how to say good bye.

When I saw you walk into the precinct, I was astonished to see a gorgeous women like you walk in. It was like love at first sight. I fell for you right there.

You were. Perfect in every way. Your heartwarming smile, the sparkle in your brown chocolate eyes. Oh Liv, you were mighty fine back then. You still are darling. When I finally got the guts to introduce myself; I choked on my words. As you can tell, I get shy talking to beautiful women like you. But when I saw you smile and take my hand in a gentle shake. I felt comfortable with your touch. You made me feel safe and warm inside. Something I hadn't felt in a while. Suddenly, the more we talked and hanged out. The more I fell for you. Something I didn't know was possible. The first time I felt your lips touching mine, I knew I had fallen in love with you. I felt. Infinite at that moment. Like nothing could ever bring me down. As long as I was with you, no one could. It was impossible.

Every time I would shed tears. You were there to stop them.

You gave me that warm shoulder I always needed to cry on. No matter how miserable I felt, you would always manage to make me smile.

You always manage to amaze me my love. Everything you do. Amazes me. Having you makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world. To this day, I still have no idea what I did you deserve such an extraordinary person like you. You mean the world to me. I never knew what falling in love meant.

Not until I met you Olivia.

When we told everyone about our relationship, they were happy everyone was delighted. But not as much as I was. I was happy everyone knew, so that way I could tell everyone that you were mine and mine only. I was happy to inform everyone that you were mine. We've been together for over 3 years, and those 3 years have been the best of my entire life. Only because I got to spend them with you. You were there for me in the good times and the bad. And having you with me during those bad times made them a whole lot better. Without you I'd be nothing. You made me change for the good. You're the reason I am the way I am today.

Remember the first time we made love?

I do.

I remember that day perfectly. We had just gotten back from having dinner. We went to your room and Liv you were beautiful. Gorgeous. At that moment I felt like I was in heaven. Everything was too good to be true. That day made my life. If I were to die that day, I would die a happy person. Every day I spend with you. Good or bad. I loved it. As long as I was with you, I felt amazing. I felt like life couldn't get any better. When you proposed to me that night I broke down. I couldn't believe it. It was all just a big surprise to me. I didn't even have to think twice to say yes. Having the thought of spending the rest of my life with you made me fortunate to have you. You have been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

But now, I have to leave all that behind.

You have no idea how much that hurts me. Knowing the fact that I will be having to leave you shatters my heart in pieces. It tears me apart not knowing when I will be seeing you again. But before I leave I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me and how much you have done for me.

You have been my wonder wall.

My lover and girlfriend. My life. I want you to know that I love you. Oh Liv, I love you so much. Don't ever forget that. Promise me you wont. While I'm gone you will be on my mind day and night and every single moment of my life. I don't know how long I will be gone. I'm thinking quite a long time but I hope not. When I come back I promise I will see you again.

I want you to be the first person I see when I come back love.

Not being with you right now is killing me. I have no idea how I will survive without you for this time of my life. I don't think I can. But I will try, because after this all ends I want to see you again. I need to see you again. I won't forget you for the time while I'm gone. Just please do the same with me. Don't forget me Liv. Please don't. I have to go. If I had a choice I wouldn't take it. I would rather put my life at risk than having to loose you. But I have to go. I have to.

And I'm sorry. I hope you understand and forgive me.

I really am sorry love.

_Love,_

_ Alex_

She carefully folded up the letter leaving a gentle kiss on it. She sniffled as she tried her best to hold back her tears. She gently removed her engagement ring from her left ring finger placing a gentle kiss on it as she place it on top of the letter. She closed her eyes as she lost the battle with her tears as they silently fell. She wiped them away as she left the room silently closing the door behind her.

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